Nov. 30, 2000 UN Dinner Speech, Help a Mother, Save a Child WAXIE/Michael Parness Life is about many things, one of them being connections. In business we call it networking, making friends with people we may or may not even like, in fact, sometimes even hating them. Its for the good of the business, so we grin and bear it, at least some of us do. I’m not good at those kinds of connections, I tend to speak my mind, as many of you know. Fortunately, I’ve weeded through these connections and picked out the most courageous, and heart centered of the bunch. These are my friends. Many are here, they are the people who have helped me, to various degrees, get through my life. Life ain’t easy, particularly if you come from a troubled background. The connections we make can save our lives, I know mine have. When I was a kid my mother tried to raise my brother and I by herself. She was 19 when she had me, and 22 when she had my brother, Rory. My father left when I was 4 and I haven’t seen him since. He paid zero child support, and my mother had to work 3 jobs, and take welfare just to try to make ends meet barely. Even with her efforts she could not provide for us. She did the best that she could, and since I’m here now, it turned out to be good enough. However, for many of these families that Help a Mother, Save a Child supports they may not be so lucky. It’s a mixed blessing, I think, suffering. A couple years ago Roberto Benini who wrote and directed Life Is Beautiful, one of my favorite movies, was accepting an academy award and said that he wanted to thank his mother and father for their most generous gift of poverty. Nietshe said that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. When I was a teenager I spent time on the streets, homeless. When I was 23 I spent time on the streets homeless, penniless,and friendless. I smelled REALLY bad and ate Ramon noddles, you know those 4 for a $1 jobs? I ate them ever day, 3 times a day, for over a year. I like the way they taste, but that’s a TON of monosodium glutinate. I had shut off my family, and none of my friends would loan me any more money, and were tired of my misery. I was tired of my misery. The only person who would talk to me was this loan shark I owed about $5000 to. He didn’t really want to talk to me, he wanted to HAVE a freakin’ talk WITH me. I’ve been in jail for harassing a police officer. I’ve been institutionalized. I’ve had guns held to my head and I didn’t care if the trigger was pulled. I was a wild boar that was wounded, and angry and to hell with everyone, and everything, and that included me. I think that the truth is, I never wanted to do those things, never wanted that life. I just didn’t know, or have anyone else to show me a better way. To show me that life could be more than these miseries. When I was 5 I wanted to make movies. Its what I’ve always wanted to do. And, in my mind, I knew somehow, as I know now, that my life was going to be extraordinary. That I was not meant to die on the streets, that I was not meant to be homeless. That I was not meant to be miserable. I just didn’t know any better. I’ve had MANY people help me along the way to living a life that is, indeed, EXTRA ordinary. I think that all that I went through, all that I did, I was trying somehow to be extraordinary, to live up to the 5 year old that wanted to be something more than he was, something more than he had control of. And, what I’ve learned is that by simply accepting the gifts that I’ve been offered so generously by my friends, my lovers, my analyst, who have believed in me and loved me when I had none to offer myself. What I’ve learned is that if I am open to these gifts, and I am open to the love, that I can indeed have an EXTRA ordinary life, and it can be a life beyond my wildest dreams. Many of you know what I do for a living. I’m the worlds greatest stock trader by day, and a writer by night. My business allows for wild swings in my bank account. There was a time not long ago when a great friend of mine was dying. I loved him very much. He was one of those people who thought I was extraordinary when I did not. He’d read my writing and he would tell me that he couldn’t wait until I accepted my first academy award. And, you know what? He meant it. That’s a special thing, to have people in your life that believe in you. It’s even better when you supplement it with yourself. I will dedicate my 1st one to him, that I am sure of. Not long before he died, Joey called me and asked me to borrow some money. It was a few thousand dollars. That day I had lost LARGE and I was a little freaked out about money. The truth is, I was afraid to give him the money. He said he’d repay me, but I knew this was not a loan, it was a gift that would help a good friend die in peace, knowing that his wife would not get stuck paying some outstanding bills. I was afraid. Fear is something that I think we all deal with. Some of us fear death, some of us fear loneliness, or intimacy, or finanacial crisis, there are many different things to fear as an adult. As children we’re just trying to grasp what exactly life is, let alone fear. Fear is worse than most anything else as a child, because it teaches them limitations, and I believe that kids shouldn’t know limitations, other than when it maybe comes to how much candy there is in the world. My dying friend didn’t fear for anything that was tangible in his life since he knew he was going to die. He feared for his wfe’s sake at the same time he knew he was dying. And, I thought to myself, how can I say no to this man that is so noble, and to this man that I love? Is my love stronger than my fear? It’s a psychoanalytic tenet that everything we do in life is either a step toward life, or a step toward death. Choosing fear over love is a step toward death. I am grateful that I gave him the money, and I am grateful that he loved me enough to honor me by asking for it, and accepting it. Part of living an extraordinary life is living beyond ones fears. And, I tell this story as part of this theme of living beyond the ordinary and changing ones destiny. We are, each one of us, I believe, charged with a responsibility to live beyond what we are capable of doing. We are also charged to accept the gifts we are offered, and to then make the best of our lives, to change our destiny if need be. To the mother’s, to the families that Help a Mother, Save a Child supports, this is YOUR charge. All we can do is give you support, ultimately its up to you to live beyond your means. To take charge of your life, and to live EXTRA ordinary lives, because YOU can do that. No one here can do that for you. Only you can. And your children, you are charged with giving them beyond your means, so that they too can live EXTRA ordinary lives. I think most people live ordinary lives. But, anyone who knows me knows that I NEVER do anything halfway. Its just not in my nature. I either do something, or I don’t. I fight for what I believe in. And, I do not like to lose. I do NOT give up. I am like a pit bull and once I get hold of something that I believe ins neck, I will not let go, period, end of story. It gets me in trouble sometimes, but, and I tell the people who I work with daily – WE PLAY TO WIN MOFO! Eiiight? I ONLY play to win. When I was growing up, I thought that meant that I had to steal, lie, cheat, and take whatever it was that I wanted. That I had to play unfair. In street lingo its called White Knuckling, and it’s the only thing I knew for a long long time. I’ve learned differently. The Rolling Stones said – you can’t always get what ya want, but if ya try sometimes, you just might find what ya need. I’m here to tell you that that is, excuse my french, bulldinky – my nieces are here, I’ve learned that I get EVERYTHING that I need AND I get everything that I want as long as its good for me, and it’s a step toward life. And, I’ve learned that I deserve, and am ready for the gifts I am offered, or they wouldn’t be offered to me. I believe these philosophies, but even more strongly do I believe that we ALL need help, and that we all have an obligation, no more pointed, a responsibility to help each other as human beings. Some of us are born with more silver in our spoons than others. I was born with lead,actually, and later that became a white powdered spoon, but that’s a different story. I wouldn’t trade my experiences for anything, but I would trade some of the things I had to go through to get here, and I’d gladly go back and take some help, as I’m sure my mother would. . Since many here are in the analytic community, and correct me if I an wrong, children who are taught, or feel cared for are much more apt to share later on. So, in a way,by giving help to these kids and mothers, to these families, we are creating a legacy that can go far beyond them, and extend well into future generations. I’ve worked hard to earn what I now have. As a kid I always wanted to be, in fact, I swore I’d be generous and give once I got something that someone else would want. I’m proud that I have lived up to my own promises to myself. I’m hoping that even though many of you may feel you give enough, you give more. This is the change destiny award. I think its appropo. If I lived the destiny I was raised by, I’d be long dead by now. Sometimes I wonder how it is that I survived. For a long time it certainly was not my doing. I don’t know a lot about the grandness of the universe, but I do know that I should, 100% be lying 6 feet under. IIII have changed my destiny, and the 5 year old boy who had many many dreams of gandeur is now a 37 year old man who is living them ALL. The road is strewn with obstactles, and challenges. My goal in life is to welcome the challenges into my life and to have the faith that they were put there for a reason. When I was a teenager I wanted to be a Major League Baseball pitcher. I was good. I was tall, lankey,had a good fastball and an even better curve. I thought I was destined to become a ballplayer. At 15 I threw my arm out and strained my rotary cuff. To this day, though I still love to play ball, and can hit the tar out of it, I can barely reach the plate. My arm is shot, just ask my softball buddy Ross. When it happened I was devastated. I thought my life was over. I’ve often wondered what would have happened if I never threw my arm out. Maybe I would have made that dream come true. Maybe I would have toiled in the minors and never made it. The truth, my truth, is that though I still dream of one day getting a bionic arm that would allow me to throw 90 miles an hour and just for one day, one inning play major league ball, the truth is, I would not be here, now, with you all. I can look back over my life and give you 100s of examples all detailing the same thing. There is only one REAL destiny. The destiny I was given was one where I’d be dead. MY destiny, that IIII picked, is right here, with you, right now. THIS is exactly where I am supposed to be, and YOU all, my friends, are exactly where you are supposed to be. Its up to us all to make sure we are where we are supposed to be tomorrow. Take control of your life BACK, change your destiny to what your biggest dreams are. I am telling you, you can have ANYTHING you want out of life. You get down on yourself, get back up and fight. Take control of your life BACK, change your destiny to what your biggest most grandest dreams are. Make them real, and accept them into your life. That is the charge we all have. Thank you.   ====================================================== For those that wish to give to; Help a Mother, Save a Child, you can click on our donation tab on the MAIN PAGE, or go to: www.hmsc.org for info on where to send a check! ======================================================